I’m participating in The Scintilla Project, which is a fortnight of prompts that are meant to remind the participants why they started blogging in the first place. I’m very excited about this project – I think this is the kickstart I need to start writing here again. Please be sure to go to the homepage and check out some of the other participants!
Day 5: Talk about a time when you got away with it.
I still feel a bit bad about this. I don’t know why, exactly – maybe it’s Catholic guilt. Maybe it’s morals. Either way, it’s not something I talk about often.
I cheated on my college boyfriend.
To be quite honest, we were always running hot and cold. Things would go well, then we’d fight and break up, then a couple of months later, we’d get back together. It didn’t help that we lived together for a year in college, then he stayed after he graduated. This incident started the beginning of the end of the relationship, though I didn’t see it at that time.
It truly started my sophomore year of college. He broke up with me right as I was going into tech week for a play (the mainstage that spring – “Blithe Spirit” by Noel Coward; I was playing Elvira). I walked into tech rehearsal 20 minutes after he did it, red-faced and snotty from crying. My co-lead and the stage manager took notice; the three of us had been flirting shamelessly with each other for weeks at this point (the stage manager’s words later were that the two of them were sorry, but definitely happy that I was back on the market). My castmates consoled me, which made me feel better. It also helped that I had to think about lines and my British accent and not how much of a jerk my ex was.
So I continued on that week; steadfastly NOT speaking to my ex, even though we saw each other every day (we were living in the same house with seven other roommates and were in jazz ensemble together). On the first day of performances, he wanted to talk. I told him off, then had to leave jazz ensemble rehearsal early for photo call. The performance went well; I made it to jazz night at a local bar (glitter and makeup still in my hair), and walked home. The ex cornered me at home, apologized, and I stupidly took him back. I was young and thought I was in love.
At the cast party, my stage manager mentioned that she thought I was cute. I said the same to her, and that was where the wheels of my deceit were put in motion. The three of us met up to watch a movie, which turned out to not be a movie.
After that, I behaved. I went to see him that summer. We dated for a while, then I was ditched the weekend before my 21st birthday so he could go hear a group at a swank martini bar in the next city. I was mad; here I was, so close to being 21 and yet still left out. (I would have been thrown out and stranded, but that didn’t matter to me at that time.) My co-lead from the previous spring (with whom I had remained on good terms) invited me to a party at his house. I went, a drink turned into multiple drinks and an invitation to stay for a while after the party ended. I did (happy early birthday to ME). We had a few more dalliances, but ended it during winter term when he got to working on his final theatre project.
Meanwhile, I had broken up with the ex…again. We got back together…again. I finally ended it during winter term my senior year, with the realization that he was not what I wanted for the rest of my life; I was a College Honors student applying to Ph.D programs and he was working a dead-end job and delaying adulthood. He was confused; I couldn’t explain. How do you say you think you’re better than he is and that you need a change without it coming off as mean? Not only that, but I came to the realization that I would be okay without him; other people were interested in me. To this day, I do not talk to my ex; in that regard, I am a Scorpio through and through. I don’t know if he ever suspected that I cheated on him; part of me thinks I did truly get away with it, but whether that’s a good thing remains to be seen.